Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Canada, Backache, and Poems!

I begin my day today with advils and more advils! As much as I hate complaining about my health, I guess I have no choice but to do so. The hours of excercising and its strain finally got to me! Why does age suddenly hit you when you're not looking? I no longer feel that I am the same child I was, and believe it or not, when I was young, I used to wonder: Why am I not old? Now its time to be alone and live my self, and boy do I want to return back to those days! Anywho, I decided to make up for all the time I was inactive this year and continuously excercise forgetting that my body also needs rest! I have decided to become more active in Michigan and balance both work and play, not letting either of the two elements overpower each other! However, for the past two days, I have been tossing and turning by putting all my effort as well as using a heat pack to counter off the ache! I took so much of my youth for granted!
Thinking that I will forever be frozen in the same health, etc...but now I see why there is so much hype over immortality and youth! And age is one thing, that goes up but never comes down! I invite people to think about this time: Would you change youth over immortality? If you had a choice to live longer, would you take that chance? or would you prefer the youth? It seems a silly question, but I think its basic human nature to take for granted all of these things and perhaps, even, now as I write this, I am taking for granted the joys of being a 23-year-old fresh out of college graduate! Perhaps! And I wonder, I have only had backache for two days and I feel so limited, how do people who are forever paralyzed or hurt, how must they suffer? The interplay of youth, age, life, mortality all reminds me of a fable I read way back when about a man who asked for a boon to become immortal, but he forgot to ask for youth, therefore he was to remain with the ailments of old age forever!
I have not seen any new movie, I think the last I saw was CK Company, a good movie, but it was released in December 2008! It was about three men, Tusshar Kapoor (from Golmaal fame and Jeetendra's son), Anupam Kher, and Rajpal Yadav. It was a hilarious look at the Indian Soap Opera Industry and gradually contained a bigger message of how as common men, we can make differences in our society, by becoming robin hoods? It was a good 2-3 hours and I do recommend it as a must-watch! I also watched Deepa Metha's Heaven on Earth (2009) starring Preity Zinta as the abused Sikh wife, brought to Canada, in a marriage where she is ill-treated and physically abused by her husband. A theme similar to that of Provoked starring Aishwarya Rai and Naveen Andrews (both from Gurinder Chadha's famous Bride and Prejudice). I found Provoked more appealing whereas Mehtha's movie blurred the lines between fantasy and reality. Her husband would transform into the Sheshnaag (snake) and she would communicate with him all the while having illusions and hallucinating. Because her movie was so abstract, it did not touch me as emotionally as Provoked did. Speaking of abused women, DO NOT read Shoban Bantwal's DOWRY BRIDE! (EVER) It was a complete waste of time, where the mother-in-law's evil nature was blamed on untouchablity and casteism! A big NO-NO while writing about societal issues. Bantwal's desperation to find an excuse to mother-in-laws who harrass for dowry was so obvious. Beyond this reason, the evil lies in money only. Money, which becomes a poison, and the lack of it becomes the angel of death for the brides, but not casteism. The mother-in-law was the result of a rape of her mother (well-bred) with an untouchable servant? How does caste decide this anyhow? Furthermore, this book was released in 2007! In the 21st century, yet people still believe that the cause of the evilness behind the dowry lurks in casteism! I think one book which I would recommend is Anita Nair's Ladies Coupe! Its a must read!
Today I had a discussion with my sister, Kopal, and she jokingly said that you will be a staunch feminist in the future. No, my goal is NOT to become a staunch feminist. I plan to help not only women, but also children. I help women because in India, while many are better off and treated with equality, a lot of women are abused, harrassed due to dowry etc and it is my goal to help those who are not able to help themselves. And children are vulnerable, the only way to shape their mind is education! I do not intend to be involved in politics etc where it is all show and no work, but to help NGOs and other organizations, which contribute to the cause and believe me as heroic as it sounds, the harder it is! And, I am in no want of recognition and neither is it possible for me to do it by myself! I plan to become a professor first to further become experienced, to gain more knowledge, to inspire more students, and then finally, when I am at the age when I can handle myself and have enough experience, will I venture out to cement my goals! I have also been brought up with the notion that in this life, I need to make something out of my life/career, which is meaningful and has an impact on people!
I guess when one does not have a stream of classes happening, one can ponder on these things (even with a bad back) but it does remind me of 2005, when I would update my Xanga blog during the Tsunami project! However, this time, I don't intend to stray away from my goal! Please do not think I am trying to be bigger than I am, I am only sharing my goals as I treat this as my canvas where I am able to project myself. Like everyone else, I have problems and issues and obstacles.
Next on the update is my trip to Canada, I fly tomorrow and will post photographs from there. It is my uncle's 50th birthday! And the entire family will be reuniting for 5 days of nothing but joy and happiness! Today I end perhaps with a chapter of my book called Love Marriage and a poem I wrote called "That One day" Now please do not laugh at Love Marriage I will post chapter by chapter! It was written in 2003, when I was obsessed with a boy, whose name I will not take! In the four years I had missed him, I had hopes that through this fantasy, perhaps I can relive the moments with him and create new ones. However, as puppy love is, it failed to work out despite hope upon home and today, I have no regrets and wish him the best.
First the poem:
That One Day….
One day you and I will meet,
Reconvene as the youth of our faces,
Will slowly decay, our skin old and
Wrinkled, hair no longer the shade of
Mahogany or brown or black,
Our hands will meet as we will
Share those moments of love
Pure and true

One day we will sit together
Perhaps on a bench in a chilly park
You will offer your coat, I will refuse,
You will offer the warmth of your
Sweater, I will blush.

One day, time will take over our lives,
God will call us and say your duties are over,
Help me in my endeavors.
That One day, I and you will meet
Up in the heavens. One of us waiting
For the other and spreading our hands
With love, as we meet, and
Reconvene forever!
This was written in London while I was observing an old couple on the train to Bath sharing sandwiches and looking outside. Their love inspired me to write this! and now for Love Marriage (I do warn you that after my romance failed, so did the ending of the novel, which was left blank until a few years ago when it was finally completed):
Love Marriage

Chapter 1

“Oh my! I am sorry. I didn’t realize I was walking your way.” Nisha proclaimed as she collected her books after she had bumped into Aman. “Its okay, I really mean it! You don’t have to pick those books up!” he bent down to collect them with her. She looked into his eyes and his features seemed so familiar she could almost blush as she remembered her past love life but she just nodded and smiled. He was looking at her with the similar feeling and remembering how much he had loved his Nisha in youth. They had been together for many years before Nisha ‘s family had moved to Houston, Texas.
Since then his dream had been to join a university there and to get married to her but life was not joyous. Aman had grown since the time Nisha had last seen him. A 23-year-old engineer at Houston University had made it to United States of America within a few years after Nisha left. He had changed his hairstyle and had grown thinner. Nisha, on the other hand, the conservative one became more popular and more loved by people. She still had strong, unbreakable feelings for Aman as she had the first time she had fallen in love with him.
Her marriage was still held back by a few years as she pursued her career as an English teacher. She still believed that no matter what the distance between Aman and her, they would never change their relationship and love each other till the end. People questioned her thoughts and tried to find ways to bring her back to reality. She kept her belief alive. Aman had been one of her priorities and was still but her thoughts were inclined towards her career. She had not given up hope. Aman, on the other hand, had only seen her once before a separation of a couple of years that seemed like centuries.
He worked twice as hard and it became an obsession to arrive and work in Houston. It had not been long before his dream came true except for one – Nisha. He was excited to see her but when he had arrived there, he had gotten butterflies in his stomach and was sweating as he called his sweet heart’s house. He wanted to see her and hold her tight in his arms but she wasn’t there. Each time he dialed the number and disconnected the line, he called himself a chicken. He was going for lunch when he had bumped into this girl who looked familiar yet so far away. Finally a thought popped into his mind – maybe this girl will know Nisha. His cheeks became red at this thought. His mother had told him to feel free when he called her home but his nervousness had been more overpowering. After debating for a while, he asked this girl, “Hello…I am new over here and was wondering if you could help me with something actually someone but first, let me introduce myself. I am Aman.” After pausing for a while, he took a deep breath and continued, “Aman Kapoor and am new to Houston. I was actually looking for a family by the name of Sharma’s.” The pale face of this face grew bright like as if her dreams had come true but she just shrugged on the thought. No reply came from this girl and she looked up again, her hands almost reaching to touch his face but then stopped.
Nisha was shocked as she looked up at him, “Was this and is this the Amar Kapoor I fell in love with in fifth grade?” she thought as she saw his features again. He had grown a small beard and looked like an actor ready to sign autographs. “Yes, I do know the Sharma’s but is it okay if I ask who the breadwinner of the family is?” Aman looked so happy that he could rocket up to the ceiling and wouldn’t feel pain. He was expressionless and tears came to Nisha ‘s eyes. She wanted to hug him and tell her that she loved him a lot. So finally, she thought of revealing to him who she was and how much she had missed him and longed for him. She took him by his hand and took him to her car and told him to wait there. She ran to her office and packed up her accessories and laptop. She ran to her car and saw him awaiting the ride to her family. She wanted to keep it a surprise and was determined to make it a pleasant one. She put on the music she had known Aman had loved since childhood. He looked astonished but had relief his in his eyes. It had been an unexpected rendezvous but she thanked God for making it possible. She drove through the streets and asked more about the Sharma’s and more about her. He blushed as he described Nisha when she was young. She giggled to the fact that he was oblivious to the fact that the girl in the next to him was his Nisha. They reached her house and he was sure that the address looked so familiar that he could have sworn that he had heard it before. She knocked at the door and then a surprise glided past him. It was his aunty and Nisha ‘s mother. “What was she doing here?” Both of them walked into the house and he awed at the décor of the house. As they walked into the living room, they found a family and a man about their age sitting and consuming tea and cookies. They looked at each other and his heart came crashing down like a flight whose fuel is taken out within minutes of a departure. He had waited so long for Nisha and she wasn’t going to be his. Nisha ‘s mother looked at the girl and said, “Nisha beta, why did you take so long. Ajay has been waiting so long for you to come and who is this?” Nisha looked down, unable to look up and especially not into the eyes of her beloved. She told her mother that this was Aman – the Aman she had been long awaiting for. Her mother was shocked at this news. Her daughter’s dream had come true while she had thought that her daughter ‘s love life had been a fragment of puppy love – an infatuation. To be on the safer side, she had accepted the proposal for her daughter from one of her best friends there. She asked Nisha to take Aman upstairs and wait for Ajay to come up. Her daughter had looked at her and said “Mummy, please! It’s too embarrassing. What am I going to tell Ajay? Maybe I should tell. Please don’t wait; the one I loved since young is here. It is already an unexplainable event that all of a sudden I bumped into Aman without even knowing that it was the one who I loved. I was so happy that finally, all our dreams would come true and we could happily soon after but now another obstacle to cross. Ma, I am getting exhausted out of these tests. Please, I need a break!” Aman and Ajay had begun to spin a conversation when Aman was called to Nisha bringing suspicious frowns on Ajay’s face but he knew he could trust Nisha so he let Aman go out of his sight with his darling.
The walk up to Nisha‘s room had been the longest since Nisha remembered. Slowly, she took Aman into her room and made him sit on her bed and said, “Aman, I am Nisha, Nisha Sharma and I really missed you a lot- more than anything, more than anyone and most of all,” she paused and with a deep breath continued, “I have always loved you, more than anything and more than anyone in this world but before we could construct our dreams into reality, I have come into such a problem that I have no clue to what’s going to happen next.” She realized that she was talking to the walls and she put her hands on her face to avoid the tears from falling. Aman still looked shaken to the fact that it was the same Nisha that he fallen in love with. He walked to the door and locked it. He walked over to Nisha and slowly removed her hands from her face and said softly, “Nishu, don’t cry sweets. You know how much I love you and will always love you. Come on, we have been strong for so many years without being near to each other. Now that we are close and have each other close to us, why all of a sudden you’re breaking down, huh? Tell me, why?” She looked up at him and both of them hugged until the time when they realized that they were both crying so hard that they were afraid to make each other feel helpless without them. Nisha wiped the tears from her eyes and slowly opened the door and saw what she was afraid of – Ajay. Ajay looked at both of them with a sense of betrayal and heartbreak. He wanted to blame them for not making him aware of this tale of “Aman and Nisha”. But all he could do and say was, “Nisha, what took you so long? Mum and Dad are waiting to see their bride.” Then he heard the words he had hoped that he wouldn’t have to hear any moment of his life. She hesitantly replied, “Ajay, I have something to tell you and I really want you to be understanding as much as hard it is for me to tell you. We have to face the facts.” Aman ‘s eyes shined with hope as Nisha said these words. All of this had happened so fast that he had been afraid that he was going to fall down any minute and break his ribs. Nisha took Ajay by his hand and said, “Ajay, you mean a lot to me as a friend and some one real important who gave me strength to wait for Aman but I really can’t marry for you for several reasons. I don’t even know where you had that idea. We have known each other for a few years and bringing your parents without even letting me know that you were. I mean seriously I hate to do this and I don’t know what day it is, that I am getting my life so complicated that.” Ajay looked at Nisha and realized that she was really honest and all he could do was look at her. Aman came up to him and said to both of them, “Nisha and Ajay, lets just take a break and go have a cup of coffee and figure the situation out! I know Nishu, its too much too handle in one day but well, I guess no one has control over the future except for God and I guess, He wants it this way, lets go. Ajay, could you do us a favor and ask your parents to come some other time, please.” Ajay left the room and Nisha again went into the arms of Aman and just hugged him tightly. Aman caressed her hair and said, “Nishu, again. Look at me…everything is going to be alright, I promise.”

2 comments:

  1. hey u just graduated, so u r not THAT old! :-p
    just strained urself with a bit more exercise than u could handle... :-p
    n dont convert play into a necessity, then it just becomes more of the other one - Work! :) atleast happens so for me, anything i feel i am compelled to do, tends to become a burden n lose its fun element. so relax n enjoy! ;-)

    regarding ur question:youth vs immortality. hmm!
    i would tend to equate youth to health & activeness & would definitely prefer it.
    What would i do with immortality for hundreds n thousands of years after i have been there n done that all that there is to do....no, certainly a longer youth is preferable.
    life is short, enjoy it to the max & as fast as possible...dont leave things for later..."when i grow old, i will like to retire in a large mansion by a lakeside"....who knows whether u r destined to grow old....if its possible, live it now! :)

    Ahh! but were I involved in some nasty business & crime, immortality would be fun too! :-p

    What would an immortal (n criminal) person do? They would abuse their powers for a certain extent of time (maybe hundreds of years) but then they are bound to get sick of it....where do they go next? Maybe they would turn over to the other side & then spend a couple of thousand more years ... n then some day probably a black hole would absorb everything & hopefully end their consciousness & misery! hehe :)

    what the hell did i just write? :-p

    Casteism & Dowry? Naah! Fanatics about caste & untouchability would probably not marry even for money. It IS all about the money indeed, unless the marriage has been "against the wishes" of the parents & they are now just trying to get back at "the culprit girl". Maybe happens, but certainly a minority case; Greed, Money, they nourish each other so well.

    Ahh! The teenage years & the experiences of crushes, love, rejection, acceptance :)
    Bitter sweet memories that cant be qualified enough! :)
    N boys will be boys...stupid as ever n sweet as ever! :-p
    n regrets? What is there in this world to regret ever? What is done is done, adapt, move on, so many things to do, so many places to be, laze, laugh, enjoy ;)


    My comment has become a looooong one! :)
    Cya, enjoy ur trip! N keep the chapters coming, will be returning to the page from time to time to see the stories progress & when the ohh so bothersome 'work' (compulsion :-p) loosens its death grip!

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